"Mommy, my daddy don't have no kids, right?"
"What do you mean Daddy doesn't have any kids???"
"You know Mommy, my mean Daddy... he used to have kids, but not anymore."
I was really confused, and quite astonished at the thought process of my four year old child. Here he was in his little mind, thinking that because he doesn't see or hear from his father that all ties, even familial were cut off, and honestly who could blame him?
"Mommy, a long time ago, I was his baby and I used to call him Daddy, but not anymore. Now I'm not his kid anymore and I call him by his real name_________. Me and my sisters don't have a dad and he don't have aaannny kids."
His "matter of fact" tone was actually quite humorous and cute for a child his age, but the content surrounding it was down right sad. Here I was at a loss of what to say to my youngster as he came to such grown up conclusions about the man he once adored.
"Baby, he will always be your father and you guys will always be his kids. Everyone has a dad, even if you don't see him or hear from him. You guys just don't see your daddy anymore because it's not very safe, but he still loves you. Just because Mommy and Daddy are not married anymore doesn't mean he's not your dad. You'll understand better when you get older. But, I want you to understand that Mommy loves you very much and you have your Papa and your uncles, and they are kind of like a dad, and they are there for you, okay."
"Okay, Mommy."
I could see from the expression on his little face that he was processing what I had just told him, but just like that he left it alone. He just turned over and went to sleep. Needless to say he got my mind going, and I was truthfully quite annoyed by the textbook/ after school special response that I had just given him.
In reality I agreed with my baby boy. It's not anything I ever had to deal with, because to this day my father is still there for me in any situation, but in my child's case his father was literally there one day and gone the next. Yes, we had protection orders, and yes there was the issue of custody, but phone calls still came through to interrogate me about men and other nonsense of that sort, but never with reference to the children or their well being. And so it baffles me how someone can so readily let go of their children; without a second thought, without a fight, without reluctance or hesitation. No phone calls, no letters, no happy birthdays, no Merry Christmas... nothing.
Imagine what that must feel like for a child... It hurts!!! But, all I can do is offer comfort, and a mother's love. I will never be able to fill the void that their father left behind, and I am expectant of many more conversations such as this one to arise. I cannot say I am prepared for them, but I will take it on nonetheless.
In the end, I pull on a piece of advice that my attorney offered me, "Claudine stop trying to make sense out of nonsense" and so I surmise it to that... and just walk away grateful. It all happened this way for a reason. My children's wounds will heal, they will receive God's blessings despite their father's absence and I am happy things are this way. Life is simpler in so many ways, and though our struggle is real we have God's blessings and each other and we are good :-)
