"But Mommy I don't see him anymore, and when you don't see people anymore that means they're not coming back. Is Daddy dead?"
My son never ceases to amaze me. We had just returned home from burying my great uncle and all of a sudden he became curious about death. His question made a lot of sense, and I could tell that he was really confused as he tried to wrap his little mind around the events surrounding him.
"Baby, your daddy is not dead, but you're right you don't see him anymore. I'm sorry, it's kind of hard for you to understand right now, but you'll get it one day when you grow up."
"No, Mommy you're wrong, Daddy is dead. If he was alive he would come pick me up."
With that he ran happily out of my room. Now what is wrong with that picture???
Did my four year old just justify his father's absence with death? And he was content. I mean when I think about it, I guess it could make perfect sense. There is less pain in thinking that someone is staying away because of death rather than to accept the truth that they are making a conscious decision not to be a part of your life. But he is four!!!
It's amazing how the mind compensates for the illogical. Finding reason within nonsense. Protecting the heart, protecting the very being from the harsh realities of life.
Now, surely my little boy did not fully comprehend the concept of death. Even after seeing his uncle lying there lifeless in his casket, even after saying goodbye to him with a kiss, even after crying for him to come back when he saw the closed casket, and breaking down when his uncle was lowered into the ground. I mean even after all of that he still speaks of his uncle as though he is just a phone call or car ride away. But, in his constant conversation about his uncle he finds peace. He knows that he will not see him again, he knows that he will never get to sit on his lap again, and he knows his most adored feedings by his uncle will never happen again, but still I do not think he understands the absolution of death. He doesn't grasp the permanency of death or the severity that his loved one is gone forever.
He just knows that he used to see him all of the time, then he went away for a while, and soon after he died. By the same token, he used to see his father all of the time, then he went away for a while... so like his uncle, Daddy must not be alive. But, instead of sadness it brings him peace. However, once again it breaks my heart that my young son has to deal with such grown up thoughts. Whoever said that children don't understand, must've never met a child in emotional pain.
And I can't even debate it, because as surely as my great uncle is gone so is his father. As surely as we had to mourn the loss of my uncle, my kids had to mourn the loss of their father. Only three, five, and six when they last saw him. And now they will be five, eight, and nine and he is dead to them. Just a memory, that's all they have left.
Sadly my son was right, Daddy is dead...
"Baby, your daddy is not dead, but you're right you don't see him anymore. I'm sorry, it's kind of hard for you to understand right now, but you'll get it one day when you grow up."
"No, Mommy you're wrong, Daddy is dead. If he was alive he would come pick me up."
With that he ran happily out of my room. Now what is wrong with that picture???
Did my four year old just justify his father's absence with death? And he was content. I mean when I think about it, I guess it could make perfect sense. There is less pain in thinking that someone is staying away because of death rather than to accept the truth that they are making a conscious decision not to be a part of your life. But he is four!!!
It's amazing how the mind compensates for the illogical. Finding reason within nonsense. Protecting the heart, protecting the very being from the harsh realities of life.
Now, surely my little boy did not fully comprehend the concept of death. Even after seeing his uncle lying there lifeless in his casket, even after saying goodbye to him with a kiss, even after crying for him to come back when he saw the closed casket, and breaking down when his uncle was lowered into the ground. I mean even after all of that he still speaks of his uncle as though he is just a phone call or car ride away. But, in his constant conversation about his uncle he finds peace. He knows that he will not see him again, he knows that he will never get to sit on his lap again, and he knows his most adored feedings by his uncle will never happen again, but still I do not think he understands the absolution of death. He doesn't grasp the permanency of death or the severity that his loved one is gone forever.
He just knows that he used to see him all of the time, then he went away for a while, and soon after he died. By the same token, he used to see his father all of the time, then he went away for a while... so like his uncle, Daddy must not be alive. But, instead of sadness it brings him peace. However, once again it breaks my heart that my young son has to deal with such grown up thoughts. Whoever said that children don't understand, must've never met a child in emotional pain.
And I can't even debate it, because as surely as my great uncle is gone so is his father. As surely as we had to mourn the loss of my uncle, my kids had to mourn the loss of their father. Only three, five, and six when they last saw him. And now they will be five, eight, and nine and he is dead to them. Just a memory, that's all they have left.
Sadly my son was right, Daddy is dead...
